A moment at midnight

Nothing made or created here and no educational activity – just me and my baby in the middle of the night.  I felt inspired to record this as it most definitely qualifies as making a special memory for me (and I like to think, on some level if not a conscious one, for F, aged 5 months).

F usually wakes to feed at around 11pm, and she did so last night as usual – fed for a short while and then just lay in my arms and looked at me.  She was so sweet and warm and little ansd lovely that I held her for a little while, and eventually she fell asleep on my chest, just gazing up at me.  I held my beautiful baby for an hour and a half, stayed up until one o’clock in the morning just enjoying our cuddle, l thinking how precious this time is, so full of love for her, thinking about all the times to come that we will share, and how amazing it is to watch her personality emerge.

Some would say I was making a rtod for my own back, letting her sleep on me like that.  bedtimes are the thing I am strictest about – I’ve always wanted them to feel secure in sleeping on their own – but this was such a special moment of closeness between F and me, that I wanted it to last forever.  I’m struggling to put into words how wonderful it felt. So wonderful that I willingly sacrificed two hours’ sleep.  She will only be tiny for such a short time, and the days of warm milky cuddles will be over before I know it, and she will be off in the world, making her own independent way.

My husband said jokingly, “you’ll feel differently at 3 O’clock in the mroning when she wants to do that again” – but it was worth it for that special cuddle, a memory for me to treasure, one of the moments that matter, and one I hope that in some way F will remember, even if it is only in the way our relationship develops and the knowledge that her mummy’s love is always there whenever she wants it.

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